If there’s one thing I’ve learned after years of working with new families across the NHS and in private homes, it’s this: far too many new mums are struggling in silence. They are overwhelmed, exhausted, and quietly wondering if they’re doing everything wrong – but they don’t want to ask for help. Maybe they don’t know where to turn. Maybe they think they should be able to “just get on with it.” Or maybe, they don’t even realise that postnatal help is something they deserve. The truth is, postpartum life can be as intense and life-changing as the birth itself. Yet we’re conditioned to believe that once the baby arrives, the hard part is over. The focus shifts completely to the newborn, and mum is often left behind – expected to recover physically, emotionally and mentally, while also caring for a brand new life around the clock. This is where a doula or postnatal professional can make all the difference.
Let’s be clear: struggling after birth is not a sign of failure. It’s a sign that the system isn’t doing enough to support new parents. According to a 2022 report from the Royal College of Midwives, over 50% of women said they didn’t feel they received enough help with their emotional health during the postnatal period. That’s more than half of new mums who were left to figure things out alone during one of the most vulnerable times in their lives.
As someone who has worked closely with families from all backgrounds and birth experiences, I can tell you that the need for postnatal support is universal. Whether you’ve had a straightforward birth or a complicated one, whether you’re a first-time mum or already have children, whether you’re surrounded by family or doing it solo – the early weeks can feel isolating, relentless and often far from the joyful experience you imagined. And that’s exactly why compassionate, personalised support matters.
Why New Mums Don’t Speak Up
There are so many reasons mums keep quiet about how hard things really are:
Fear of judgement or appearing ungrateful
Thinking “everyone else is coping” so they must be failing
Not wanting to burden their partner, friends or family
Lack of awareness that postnatal help even exists
Cultural pressure to bounce back quickly and just get on with it
I’ve sat with mums who broke down crying because I was the first person to ask how they were doing since the birth. I’ve worked with women who thought the anxiety and fog they were experiencing was just part of being a new mum – not realising that it’s OK to get support. I’ve seen the sheer relief on a mother’s face when she realises she doesn’t have to do it all alone.
What Postnatal Support Can Look Like
Postnatal support isn’t a luxury or indulgence. It’s a lifeline. It’s about having someone walk alongside you in those raw early weeks and months. A doula is not there to take over or judge – we’re there to gently guide, reassure, and empower.
Some of the ways I support families include:
Helping with feeding – whether that’s breastfeeding, expressing, or formula
Preparing nourishing meals and snacks so mum can recover and rest
Looking after baby while mum naps or showers
Supporting with baby care routines and soothing techniques
Listening without judgement when emotions feel too much
Spotting early signs of postnatal depression or anxiety
Giving you confidence in your instincts as a parent
Each family is different. Some want practical hands-on help, others need emotional reassurance, and many need both. Some have had traumatic births and need space to process. Some feel disconnected from their baby and need support bonding. Others just need a steady hand to remind them they’re doing better than they think.
You can read more about how a doula supports families in this service overview: Expert Postnatal Doula Services in Surrey.
The Fourth Trimester is Real
We often forget that mums are recovering from something huge. Birth is a physical, emotional and hormonal upheaval. The weeks that follow – known as the ‘fourth trimester’ – are a time when a woman needs deep rest, warmth, nourishment and support. Not housework. Not entertaining visitors. And certainly not pressure to “bounce back.”
Yet many women return home from hospital and feel completely abandoned. The health visitor might pop in once or twice. The partner might go back to work after a week or two. And then it’s just you, your baby, and a sea of questions at 3am.
This is when postnatal help is so vital. A trained professional, like a doula or maternity nurse, can be that steady presence. Someone who understands what you’re going through, knows what to look out for, and can help you rebuild your strength day by day.
For those needing more focused rest and recovery, you might consider our postnatal healing and recovery treatments, designed to gently support your body and mind in the weeks after birth.
Why You Don’t Need to Wait for a Crisis
One of the biggest misconceptions I come across is that you only need help if something’s “gone wrong.” The truth is, the earlier you plan postnatal support, the more smoothly things tend to go. In fact, booking postnatal doula care in advance is one of the most empowering steps you can take before baby arrives.
It’s a chance to say: “I matter, too.”
It’s a way to protect your physical health, your mental wellbeing, your relationship, and your bond with your baby.
And it’s not just for mums either. Partners often tell me they feel reassured knowing someone experienced is on hand. It eases the pressure on both parents.
If you didn’t plan in advance, it’s never too late. I’ve supported families at all stages – from day one to several months in – and every single one of them has told me they wish they’d had help sooner.
What Happens When You Get the Right Support
When you have the right support in place, something shifts. You begin to trust yourself more. You rest better. You connect with your baby more easily. You feel less alone. Small things – like a cooked meal, a clean load of washing, a calm conversation – suddenly feel like enormous relief.
I’ve seen mums who felt like they were drowning begin to smile again. I’ve watched nervous new parents grow into calm, confident carers. I’ve been present for quiet moments of joy – a baby’s first bath, a feeding breakthrough, a mum who finally gets a full hour of sleep.
These aren’t luxuries. These are foundations. They help families thrive, not just survive.
There Is No Medal for Doing It Alone
You don’t need to prove anything by pushing through exhaustion, pain or tears. There is no medal for doing it all alone. There is, however, a real cost. Postnatal depression affects 1 in 5 women in the UK, according to the NHS. Many cases go undiagnosed for months, or longer. Lack of rest, poor nutrition, and feeling unsupported can all contribute to this.
Getting help early – even if things feel manageable now – can prevent bigger struggles later on. Postnatal support is not just about comfort. It’s preventative care. It’s about protecting your long-term wellbeing, and your baby’s too.
What If You’re Not Sure You Can Afford It?
I understand that money can feel tight, especially when you’re preparing for a baby. But I always encourage families to think about postnatal care as an essential part of the journey – not an optional extra. You wouldn’t go into labour without support. So why come home from hospital without a plan?
Some families choose shorter support sessions. Some ask friends or family to contribute towards care as a gift. Others prioritise a few weeks of professional help and adjust from there. Every little bit makes a difference. And if you ever want to talk through options or tailor a plan to your budget, I’m happy to help.
Final Thoughts
If you’re reading this and something resonates – the tiredness, the overwhelm, the loneliness – please know you’re not alone. You don’t have to struggle in silence. You don’t have to do this all by yourself.
There is compassionate, experienced postnatal help available. Whether you’re in Surrey or the surrounding areas, I would love to support you and your family in whatever way you need. From one parent to another, I promise you – getting the right help can change everything.
You can learn more or make an enquiry by visiting Postnatal Helping Hands. Your wellbeing matters. Let’s take care of you, too.
